This post is coming off a rant/ almost emotional breakdown I had on Instagram Stories. I decided to take away my ramblings away from social media and cathartically put down my thoughts and feelings into a post.
Also, no judging the picture on the licence. I have resting bitch face and it has to be changed next year.
Recently I have been sorting out of the boring admin that comes after a wedding and arranging to change my name on everything. What once was a chore (a post coming on this in the future) is now becoming emotional. I think that’s why I have been feeling so stressed about it. Partly because it is a ball-ache, but also it feels like I am letting go of something.
For 26 years I have been a Ransom. It has been a part of my identity, from finding its origins to having to constantly spell it out to people (R-A-N for November, S-O-M for mother…) It’s a hilarity for some (ha ha, like held for ransom! Insert eye-roll here…) but more importantly, it’s the first name that I used for my official documents. My first ever bank card that I opened with my dad was embossed with it: MISS E M RANSOM. I felt so important, so grown up. The first proper thing that had my name on it. When I got my driving licence, I felt really grown up. I had something that proved who I was.
I always said when I got married I would keep my maiden name as a middle name. My dad had two daughters, and he only had a sister. All three of us grandchildren are girls so the Ransom name stopped with us. It was something that seemed important to my Granddad to continue the name in some way. So when I actually got married, keeping my maiden name proved a little more complicated than just adding it. So, for now, I decided that I would change my surname and add Ransom later.
From there it has been an emotional roller coaster. From spending half an hour in the bank practising my new signature (because it never actually occurred to me to practice this whilst planning a wedding) to now having a new name I’m having to spell out to people (Griffin. No, not Griffith. GRIFFFINNNNN!!!) it took to receiving my driving licence in the post for me to finally realise the truth. I am no longer a Ransom.
I’m still me. And I am still the same person I have always been. But my identity seems to have shifted. I’m no longer a Miss and never will be again. It’s no longer the four of us Ransoms, it’s the three Ransoms and me, a Griffin. I do know that nothing has changed. And there are some exciting things that are great about it. Like the congratulations, you get when you are having to explain why you amending everything. Your friend’s excitement when they tell you that you have been changed on their phone.
What I think I am avoiding the most is the cliche. I’ve not wanted to admit it, but I’ve started a new chapter in my life and this is a part of it that I chose. At the end of the day, no one made me, I wanted to change my name. It’s an exciting, new time and I should be embracing it. Like Lee said in the cutest way, I’m like a Pokemon (this is why I married him). I’m still the same Pokemon but I evolved and the name change was a part of it.
Sorry for the ramblings, but I’m hoping I am not the only person who feels like this. Please tell me there are other people who feel like this also? If there are and you been feeling like I have, then feel relief that this is normal. It’s all part of life and growing up.