Now on the other side, planning my own wedding, I have a new appreciation for the mixture of feelings that come with planning an event. Lee and I’s own do is super simple and easy (like super simple) now we are coming into the final stages- there is a whole lot of pressure that not only I am putting on myself, but other people in my life are too.
The pressure from myself is okay- I am a perfectionist so it was naturally going to come. But for those who have given me unwanted advice, opinions or probing- let me give you some must needed advice from a bride to be…
Firstly, you get one chance to ask a bride how wedding planning is going. If she does not give you details- do not probe for them. There is a reason; either she is trying to keep a few things a surprise or she is simply not in the talking mood because she has other things going on in her personal life. A very kind person at work was probing me for for details the other day with questions such as ‘how many days left?’, ‘Have you got everything sorted?’, ‘are you excited?’ or ‘you don’t seem excited because you are not talking about your wedding, are you okay?’ All I wanted to do was smack this person around the head. It didn’t help the situation that on that particular day I had handed over the last of my pennies paying for the wedding so was remembering the good old times when I have cash. This person meant well but as someone who was not a close companion or work friend, if a bride does not give you any more details, then do not push for more.
Secondly, the next person who comments on my eating habits is going to get a few more choice words. Society has settled into our brains that as brides we must look our best, be our most radiant. Is any of this pressure on the groom? I see no groomsmen pushing Lee to bulk up for the wedding. I may only be a few weeks out, but god damn it if I want carbs, I am eating carbs. The one thing that I can guarantee is that on my wedding day I will look good because I will be happy. Right now I am the most happy I have been about myself. If I want to loose weight or slim down more than I am right now- it will be for life not just for one day.
My final niggle to squash- stop telling me that this will be the most important day of my life, of our lives. I am hoping that the birth of my child will be more important that one day. Hell, when I have a good enough salary to buy the dream Chanel bag- that will be more important than this day. Again, society has impounded into our brains that girls should aspire to marriage. Marriage to me is important, it is making a lifelong commitment. But why do we not push these standards onto the guy? Again, I do not see anyone putting these comments to Lee, so I expect the same standards for me.
Out of this ramble, the only thing I can say is give a bride a break. If she is not divulging too much, she is either tired of having the same conversation over and over again with different people or she simply doesn’t want her every breath to be about the wedding. I have made a conscious effort for the past few months not to be all about my wedding- so much so that many people forgot I was getting married. It was a nice feeling, because quite frankly I am not a traditional bride and talking about different style of dresses or wedding cake are not my thing (though sampling cake is a different story…) Now because it is coming close to the big day, it just seems to be the only thing people ask me as if it is the only thing happening in my life.
So conclude, much like a pregnant woman or a mother, an engaged woman is more than just her current title. Look beyond it and ask me something else and please, just avoid the W word around me.